it's starting to feel lyk a never ending love story, except now... there is not much of love... it's just my one sided crush... trying not to think about it but it keeps coming back. i feel lyk as if i am not good enough... was i wrong? to love you when i know you wouldnt love me back. at least not anymore. to cry when i know you wouldnt give a damn. to care for you when i know and i dont expect any returns. how am i supposed to show that i am really sorry for hurting you th first time round? and that no matter what others say, i never gave up on you. i am trying to let go. so that both of us can be happier. but it's so hard. sometimes. when i close my eyes, memories flood my mind. those times that made me feel so indifferent, loved. and i knew, no matter how high i climb,i am not afraid to fall, because you would be there to break my fall. but now, i am afraid to climb... to even try... afraid that i would hit the cold hard floor if i fall. it would be back to square1... it was so hard to get out of it. i feel so empty. lyk sth thing is missing. but yet i cnt seem to figure it out. sometimes i want to set things right. but they never seem to work. i feel like an utter failure.

Love,
K

sat went to grandma's house to swim... it was fun. and i found out sth else that made me realise that some people's mentality does not grow with age. anyways, was supposed to go out with zach today to get marc's present. but we postponed it to tmr. so yeah. cnt resist the temptation of maple. haha. going to get my second job soon! i know what alot of ppl will be thinking. lyk omg so slow. but let me tell you first hand i am not hard core. haha. so yeah. now zach is out.. and i am stuck at home. awwwwwwwwwwww. sad. oh wells. back to maple. =]

baby... i feel so lost without you.

loves,
K

so yeah. yesterday went for dance practice from 6 pm to 8.30pm. before that had dinner with zach. well sorta cause I didn't feel like eating much. haha. then walked with him from tiong to redhill. it was fun.then met Jialin there. hugged zach and he left for his grandma's house. after which Jialin and I went for dance at leng kee cc. walked to redhill with si pei and bought cherry cherry soda freezeand homed.

baby,I had this dream about you. about me, about us. it seemed so real. but when I woke up, you were no longer there. I dun understand why I having all these dreams, when I thought I am so over you.sometimes I wish it was real. but nevertheless it's all just a dream.

' now it's too late to turn it around.'

loves,
K.

' i am sorry for the tears i made you cry'

i dunno what to think anymore. i feel so lost. so alone. no one else is going to walk down this path with me. it's like standing on a battlefield alone with no one to back you up. cnt help but feel sad at times. i want to forget so many things. but i cnt seem to.

today i did 3 hours of studying. while smsing glad and marc. ate lunch with mum. sis went to work today. can concentrate better alone. and i am not going out anymore. at least not for today. marc's dad changed his mind all of a sudden. so not going already. sad.

K

omg. tuesday today.. somehow, it doesnt feel lyk it. ytd was so eventful, i didnt really have any trouble sleeping. ytd after ard 9pm i accompanied twinie to eat dinner. we ate at bk. he couldnt finish his burger. omg. he cnt really eat much after he came back from china. sad lah. and zach became really... i dunno busy, tired and stuff... it feels lyk as if he is very sick. =(

going for dance practice on fri. 6 pm. at leng kee cc... i feel damn stress. th way my parents and even sis are talking about studies. they dun allow miie to go for b'ball and much less, work. i feel so trapped. is that how all th sec 4s feel? i feel lyk as if time is running out. and i cnt do anything about it. =(

is it you? or is it just me?

Loves,
K

so yeah. went down to dover to play b'ball with yi zhe. thn his friends came and i watched them play awhile. thn they ask miie to play. i just stand thr and dribble cuz they also dun dare touch me. haha. in th end, i pass all to yi zhe. dun feel lyk playing. thn went to eat hotdog.with bacon and cheese. thn he had to go home.so he couldnt pei miie home. but he told miie to text him when i get home.

thn called twinie, he was on th way to training, stopped by my house to pass miie my present from china. it is lyk a keychain with my chi name. =] damn nice. thn he rest for awhile and went off liao. haha. i love th key chain lah!! thanks twinie!! =]

i have decided to take up jia lin's offer and join ching gay. cuz mummy dun allow me to go for b'ball anymore. and it's is a rare chance. why not?

i dunno anymore lah. why is everyone changing so much? =( promise is a really big word. if you cnt keep it thn dun promise miie anything. cuz you keep breaking it....

i am not even sure if it is love...

Loves.
K

today had training. 3 hours. at first i thought no one was thr, wanted to go home alr. thn jose came, so both of us waited for th rest. until char came thn we did warm up and ran, everyone ran one round while dribbling th ball. did shooting, tactics and played match too. very long never play liao. still damn blur. dots. later on while walking to cold storage, i called twinie to see if he was available for lunch. but he didnt pick up thn i called yi zhe. later going to play b'ball with him. actually mainly just shooting. and twinie called back but he was in novena, training... with sji ppl. he wan sji boy dun wan me. LOL. damn lame right? but yeah. thn bought orange juice and now home liao. =]

so yeah. ytd went to attend wedding... shao yun biao yi is so pretty lah!! sat thr and eat. thn my cousins keep playing with my phone. lol. after that went to meet yi zhe and walked around vivo. damn sian. thn went to candy empire and bought candies(obviously) thn went to tiong and had dinner at kfc. ate only a burger. lol. thn walked all th back to school and took bus home. he sent miie to th void deck at my block. =]

omg so gtg and bathe liao. ltr still going out. but to play b'ball... =]

sometimes i wonder if you even notice.

Loves,
K